July, 2003

Dear Dads,

Fathers can make a big mistake if they place unreasonable expectations on their children.

Many times this will involve a father expecting his child to do something the dad's way when the child is too young, or when God just didn't give the child a certain ability.

The key point here for dads is:

Realize that God has made each of your children with his or her own unique talents and abilities. Your job is to study them individually so you know what each child is capable of and then to not place unreasonable demands or expectations on them.

A very important Bible verse is:

Ephesians 6:4 "Fathers, do not exasperate your children"

Unreasonable expectations followed by anger, resentment, embarrassment, and hurt can be tremendously harmful as the child grows up, and then those negative experiences can greatly impact them as an adult as well.

You will have other examples, but are your kids expected to get A's or B's in school when God didn't give them the necessary intelligence in some classes? Do they have to be one of the best athletes or musicians before you go to their events and encourage them? Worse yet, do you compare them with other kids when God just didn't give them the same ability?

This issue requires a lot of time, thought, and prayer as it can be real subtle.

Please ask the Lord to help you with this, and don't be afraid to apologize if you have messed up. Also, let's not place unreasonable demands on our wives either.